This piece is an outflow of an unending discussion, one in which I may have been perceived as proud or ungrateful. But I am thankful for a diary wherein I can express myself without the fear of being judged. I'll try to make it short though, for YOUR sake. Yes, YOU.* smiles*
I have had a fair share of what I call surprise pity parties*¹ and truth be told, its exhausting! I think occasional pity parties can be lovely in a way. The attention, the show of love from friends and enemies alike could be really encouraging but as the frequency increases, the more u see, the more u hear, the more you feel the pity!
There's a rush of emotions as I type and I don't know where to start from to make you understand my perspective...
Once, a colleague said to me: "you should consider yourself lucky that the owner of this company has a child with your condition such that the management of this company can understand your pain..."
My response: "it's the more reason I want to leave..." I had just returned from a sick leave and I was giving her reasons to resign and then she made that statement.
In my mind, I'm like really!! Like I'm supposed to be happy and make it an excuse to lazy about or what? Though unintended, Her words hit me in the wrong place and I was all the more determined to leave.
The company had magnanimously granted me a second one-month sick leave in less than 10 Months and I was already getting pitiably popular for being off -work on grounds of ill-health which I didn't like.
The first surprise pity party in the company was lovely; when I returned to work, I met a beautiful card signed by my colleagues on my table. The welcome-back made me feel like a celebrity and I enjoyed the accolades.
The second was also acceptable but I wasn't gonna wait for a third one. I was not willing to give people a chance to pity me perpetually.
I have learnt to read between the lines of Love and Pity but the frequency of crisis especially in a new environment makes the line so faint. Yet, I could see and in retrospect see even more clearly that there was more pity than love...
I'ld rather be loved and accepted because of my character and the quality of my work than be made pitiably popular by reason of a health condition. Alas, the later is usually the case.
Same was the case many years ago in my first secondary school. It was a small boarding house and I was the only sickle cell student in JSS1 so they took special care of me and guess what, I did not like it!
While my mates worked in the dormitory for instance, I worked in the convent, I didn't eat together with my mates, I ate on a special table with the dinning hall prefect. I watched my mates play with each other but my own playmates were senior prefects! Perhaps some will enjoy it and consider it a privilege, not me mehn not me!
Thankfully, I wrote to my dad and told him I didn't like the school and my school was changed to a better one, with no segregation, less pity and since i was not labelled from the onset, true friendships evolved. Shout out to my Feggo*Friends!
Post Feggo, I had this boyfriend that stuck with me for about 8 years...he was really caring and we went through many crisis periods together. If he were to be judged by the love, care and attention displayed @ my crisis points, he would be rated highly. Yet, at the point I thought I could spend the rest of my life with him, He said and I quote, "I cannot marry Wunmi now, She's a Sickler, I'm just....."
Dear Warrior, don't get it twisted, Love tranceeds pity. Someone who hates your guts can rightfully and genuiely pity you.
For the unmarried warrior, I'm sure that many of your relationships will begin with pity; but don't be content with that, be sure that genuine love subsists beyond your period of pain.
On the converse, for the relationships that do not begin with pity, be sure that sufficient compassion exists to withstand your period of pain.
Some, though medically compatible, will chicken out the moment they realize you are a warrior. Please don't force it, Let them go! The one who is the one will have the right dose of compassion and love needed for YOU!
- Gratefully, accept sympathy, pity, empathy Compassion, acts of kindness from all and Sundry and move on, i repeat move on and dont enjoy it too much to dwell therein.
Please do not be fooled by the paparazzi at any pity party especially in chossing your friends. Most often, TIME will reveal who your friends really are. So, happily live each day one day at a time, attempt everything u want to do, know when to stop and when to continue and never stay disconnected from your source-God-From Him we came and to Him we shall return...
As I type, the bones in my fore-arms ache and I know its time to stop but hey! Pity me not! Not because its a bad thing to Pity but because I don't pity myself and I'll rather you love up on me for who I am!
Cheers to Love , Life and other Mysteries!
*¹ Like Surprise Parties, a Surprise Pity Party is not set up by the celebrant but by others.
*² Feggo- Federal Government Girls College Oyo Nigeria.
* As I typed, I recalled an encounter with a warrior who didn't have friends or even enemies to show care or pity at all and I felt like deleting all I had typed.......I hope this piece does not discourage YOU from being Kind to Warriors.........May the flame of kindness and compassion be rekindled afresh. Amen!
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